Facebook Status Updates

Well if you are like me, I am guessing that you have a ton of things to do on the weekend and decide to waste those precious seconds sitting your ass on the couch stalking others on Facebook. Don't be ashamed as I like to say, "OWN IT!"  It's a great pass time and you are most likely going to get a good laugh or will spend the rest of your day weekend thinking, "What the hell were they thinking when they wrote that damn status update?" No fret my friends, I have taken it upon myself to provide the world a service by interpreting what people are thinking when they write some of that crazy shit. Here we go....if you have any other status updates you would like interpreted send'em on over.


• RIDONKULOUS STATUS UPDATE #1 - "Uda Ho says...I won't ever let a man do that to me again!!! I'm a strong woman."

• BEEBZ INTERPRETATION OF STATUS UPDATE #1 - What Uda Ho is really trying to say to all of the World is that for the 1,234,340 at the age of 28 she got railed by some juice head with tribal tats around every steriod induced muscle and not only did he not text her the next day, he gave her the wrong number. KEY TAKEAWAY FOR Uda Ho..either stop sleeping around every Friday night or at least don't post this ridonkulous message EVERY Saturday morning after you walk through the living room past of all of your roommates who saw you smashing face with that dude.

• RIDONKULOUS STATUS UPDATE #2 - '"Maury Miserable says...WORST day EVER."

• BEEBZ INTERPRETATION OF STATUS UPDATE #2 - This one comes from so many different types that I will try to clarify based on the variety of people who post this crap. First off I have seen this one from kids in high school and to that I say, WORST Day EVER does not equate to losing your lunch money. The second type of person who types this usually posts it 34 times a month. To that I say, you need a therapist...I don't want to be too mean otherwise you may post that BEEBZ MADE YOUR DAY THE WORST EVER or you go crazy on someone! Knowing me I would probably be flattered so please post just don't go crazy. KEY TAKEAWAYS: Put it into perspective people, it could always be worse you could be a bum down by the side of the river and could not post how pathetic you are and the bums would probably just beat you up for whining about your life.

• RIDONKULOUS STATUS UPDATE #3 - "Mary Sunshine says....great day. cleaned the toilet, then I cleaned the refrig, ran the kids to school, picked up two batches of grapes from the farmers market, came home and forgot my baking soda so had to run back to the store to grab my baking soda, baked twenty batches of chocolate chip cookies, swept the floor, made the beds, picked up the kids from school, made dinner, did #2 in the potty, welcomed my husband home on the porch, gave him a kiss, ate dinner, watched "America's Funniest Videos" with the WHOLE family, put on my onsie teddy bear PJs, going to bed now...XOXO G NIGHT LOVIES

• BEEBZ INTERPRETATION OF STATUS UPDATE #3 - Mary Sunshine is either telling us two things..."I'm miserable, my husband is cheating on me, my kids are going to boarding school because they are out of control, and I've made those damn cookies to eat the stress away, does anyone want to go to Curves to listen to me bitch as I walk on the treadmill at 2MPH?" OTHERWISE, she is telling us "Look at me to all you bitches who ridiculed me in high school, I have a great life now and you are nothing." KEY TAKEAWAY: Listing all daily activities is a pain in the ass to all your friends who have to scroll through that  to find funny crap like Ridonkulous Status Updates #1 and #2.

• RIDONKULOUS STATUS UPDATE #4 - "Larry Loser says....ughhh I woke up late and now I'm rushing to get to work."

• BEEBZ INTERPRETATION OF STATUS UPDATE #4 - Larry loser is telling us that he clearly is an idiot because if any person with half a brain was running late they would probably not stop and post a status update. KEY TAKEAWAY - Don't EVER post anything when you are late about being late....pretty simple message on this one.

• RIDONKULOUS STATUS UPDATE #5 "Jenny Jugsy says....can't wait to meet up with my besties and hit the town tonight."

• RIDONKULOUS INTERPRETATION OF STATUS UPDATE #5 - Jugsy is really saying she FINALLY found a best friend who is not ashamed to go out to the local towny bar in a mini skirt that can't cover her fake boobs or fat ass...bring on that pitcher of PBR with Bubba. KEY TAKEAWAY: If your friends refer to you as "Bestie" de-friend that ho-bag as fast as you can because you aren't going to get anything besides cheap beer, fat guys and most likely some nasty STD by just being in her presence.

Well folks as you can tell I thoroughly enjoy a good amount of Facebook time and "interpreting" what you are really trying to say....if you have any good ones from your friends send them my way. Let's be real..half those people aren't your friends and you are just stalking or using their status updates for a good laugh...Keep it real...BEEBZ

p.s. Status updates  2, 4, and 5 are real except for the names. 1 and 3 are slightly embellished but you get the point and know some people who post that crap.